The Drunktard

"He was a very brave man, and heroe in the eyes of every Krakavian.

Some say he didn't know the fear, some say he was capable of killing an ox with his own fist, and that he can cut a man and his horse with only one blow of sword.

But everybody acepts, that he had more alcohol than blood in his body"

Samael I The Drunktard (Samael Ivanovich Sverdavyznd) (21 May 1975 - 20 Oktober 2034) was the Czar of Krakavia, Grand Duke of Sverdavyznd and General of the FADNP.

Samael I ruled Krakavia from 15 Oktober 2017 until his dead of cyrrosis the 20 Oktober 2034.

His reign saw Krakvia and Puro pan sumerged in the Puro Pan Anarchy, ten years of war between the 2017 and 2027, as well the war of Pnutaria, earthquackes, famine and starvation, as well the economical collapse of Krakavia.

Family backgroundEdit


Samael I The Drunktard

Samael I Sverdavyznd born in 1975 in the castle of Sverdavyznd, in the mountain region from wich his family, and the castle and town take the name.

Descendant of some middle age heroes of Krakavia, as the Dukess Anna Sverdavyznd, his family was like any other high noble family of the krakavians: who where like the smaller nobles, and the smaller nobles where like the commoners, but just with a bit more lands:

This mean, Samael I Sverdavyznd never go to any school (He only learn to read and write during the PPN-PPS war, because he need that to send orders to his forces, and to receive that orders), and allways worked in the land, becoming a well know vodka destiller, and one of the best breeders of pigs and Wild boars of Sverdavyznd.

He was raised, and lived, like a Krakavian: He became a teen parent, drinking vodka, fighting in bars, working in the farms, fighting against other clans, etc: normal for any Krakavian, noble or not.

His legend, and his popularity began in such places, as bars and farmer markets, or in the gloomy halls of a castle excavated in the stone, with pigs and dogs under the tables:

His ability to outdrink everybody else become legendary.

The years passed, and as he raised pigs, make and drinked vodka in colossal amounts, and go to the bed with any woman he could, having numerous non-marital childrens, until 1999, when his mother, Duchess Ekhaterina Sverdavyznd die, and he become the Duke of Sverdavyznd.

A title that make him the nominal leader of Sverdavyznd, but in reality was limitated to preside markets and festivals, and to be the supreme Judge of Sverdavyznd: He make a wonderful job in markets and festivals, and according to the legend, once he drinked three times his weight in alcohol, killed 42 man in a bar-fight only with his Corvo, stopped a stampede of raging bulls, knocking them out with his single fists, and as judge, he wasn't his mother Ekhaterina, but do the job without mayor disasters to be remembered.


Samael during PPN-PPS war

in this place

He fighted several times, leading the Sverdavyznd warriors or against the Wild Waldand Dalakia rustlers, or to steal them the animals of the nearing clans, and he leaded many times ambushes and attacks against ESP Puropanian troopers in Sverdavyznd, when they dared to go the the Krakavan heights.

But it was only during the PPN-PPS war that from a local legend, he became well know and famous all over the Krakavians.

Joining a krakavian militia of the FADNP as soldier, with nothing else than his saber, corvo and horse the 2008, due his heroic actions he climbed quickly to the ranks, and all the people agreed that this was, possibily, because he had more alcohol than blood in his veins, but as well he seemed to be done of steel, and to be protected by the gods, as no weapon where letal against him, and any wounds he recieved where ignored by him.


as colonel during the PPN-PPS war

During the 8 years of war, he became an undefeated general of the FADNP: he fighted, drinked and fornicated, only leaving the front to go back to his home in harvest time -like all the krakavians do-.


After the PPN-PPS war, with the coup'd etat against the military Junta and the provisional government, Samael I and many other paramilitary, soldiers and warriors like him where demovilizated, and he go to his simple rural land in Sverdavyznd.

But with the elections of Krakavia of 2017, between the Krakavians began to raise a new sentiment, that they had enough with the Democrazy, and they wanted to be representated, and not by Puropanians, who as allways where concentrating the power:

In front of this, two candidates promised that Puro Pan del Norte was going to became Krakavia, and a constitutional monarchy.

When Kalinka Marvla was elected as President of Krakavia, became urgent that the nobles of Krakavia, the dukes, to choose who will be the next Czar:

Since had least 300 years, the Krakavians didn't had their own Czar, and lacked of a royal family -the Vladirov dinasty last heir was dead, without sucessors, in 1783.

They had then the first option, to ask to a Puropanian to be the Czar of Krakavia (The Hellwig where related to the Vladirov) but the heir of the Hellwig was the hated Tobias Hellwig, so that option was rejected.

The second option was to search a foreigner king, of a well know dinasty, but the Krakavians little know or understand of these matters, and few people wanted to be Czar of a nation like Krakavia.

Then they finally choose to pick the best of them: anmd the way to decide that was in a contest of bravery,dextery, perseverance, and over all, a tick bonehead as iron:

They decided to choose the next Czar of Krakavia, in the traditional Krakavian contest of Hitting the head against the wall, and like the real man, without hat.

After few rounds of that sportly competition, most of the dukes where laying in the ground, grunting, and Samael I Sverdavyznd, with the face covered in blood, smiling, and a bottle of 5 litters of Vodka in hand, being the last one on foot:

The next Czar of Krakavia was choosen.


the coronation of Samael I Sverdavyznd with president Kalinka Marvla

Engagement and marriageEdit

But, as the Czar was allways in a spree, fighting wars, and laying in stables with anonimous woman, many counselors see that the Czar, eventually, can die, even with his legend, and until then, aside from hundreds of children, conceived outside of marriage, there wasn't a heir for the throne of the Czar of Krakavia.

It was decided then, that the time had come to find a good bride for the Drunktard, but many noble woman of the Wentviska Sea region, knowing the passions and live of the Czar, weren't interested:

To meet a suitable, noble bride, with possible good conections for an alliance, make the government of krakavia to search outside of Aels -specifically, among the "Eurotrash"-, and in their search, they founded one in the Preusische Concordia, a cousin of president Melvin Hindelbrand: the Gräfin Christina Ruhe, who was as well "problematic" to his cousin:

Quickly, the marriage was rigged and done, before Samael I The Drunktard where sober enough to understand completely what was happening:

and in a 14 December 2028, was the royal Marriage of Samael I Sverdavyznd with Gräfin Christina Ruhe: a small, private ceremony, in both promised where drunked, and find, along with the hangover, that they where married.

The Sverdavyznd-Ruhe family wasn't a specially happy union, but it worked, and more important than all, the wanted Heir come:

Quickly, the Czarine Christina Ruhe had offspring, and a heir to the throne -the problem was, that they where twins, and as Samael I was the first Czar, this problem was never seen before-.

The twins, and heirs, of Krakavian throne, where Samael II Sverdavyznd and Natalia I Sverdavyznd.


Christina Ruhe and Samael I Sverdavyznd, as they appeared in "The Simphzonov" cartoon


Final months and deadEdit

"Who will have ever said, that to much alcohol can be bad? In the first instance, I never thought somebody can had even enough of that!" Samael I The Drunkard.

In the end, and against what the people thinked off, the Czar didn't die in combat, lying by a bullet, or with his skull opened by a saber, or with schrapnel cutting him in half:

In the end, it was is style of life, that ended the life of the Legendary Krakavian Czar:

the excess of drinking, finally take a toll from the Czar, and he contracted cirrhosis due his alcohol problems: The disease, untreated, and also because of the Czar continue drinking and eating without any care, became critical.

The Czar then, in urgency, was sended to the Military Hospital of Käerburg, and died in a bed the 24 October 2034, without the boots on, after a failed liber transplant.

The Czar leave behind a nation in mourning, a wife, 4 sons and 6 daughters of the marriage -and possible heirs, but every none of them over 6 years old in that moment-, 68 know non-matrimonial daughters and sons -the eldest daugther, Danushka Sverdavyznd, born in 1990 and 44 years old- who can't be heirs to the throne -in principle- and a undeterminated number of possible daughters and sons, between 300 to 400, due the "incesant activity" of the Czar in that field...

The Funeral was held in the Church of Sveti Jovan, Hellwighausen, and the Czar was buried in his ancestral lands of Sverdavyznd.

And then, beginned the problems of sucession, due the lack of laws abouth this mather, and also, is lost a figure of cohesion of Krakavia.



In literature and popular cultureEdit


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